Remember!

I sent a mail to myself at www.futureme.org, to remember some things about weight. I'm also putting some of it up here and on my other blog, so I'll have access to these reminders when I need them.

I've been eating healthier and exercising for nearly 8 weeks now. Exercise is some form of activity for at least 20 minutes a day, averaging about 30 minutes. I started with walking and then upped to walking/jogging. I alternated this with squash and have now (for about 2 weeks) added swimming since it's getting warm enough to swim. All if this has been possible due to the new home.

This morning, I got up and got dressed in a kurta that I've not worn in a while. I can see changes in the way I now look from the way I looked in it when I bought it, and all through the times I wore it. I know now that I'll have much more fun shopping as I'll get clothes in my size. I still have some way to go with the weight loss, but I'm now 69 kilos, and I've not been under 70 for aages!

In addition, I can now jog on the treadmill for 13-15 minutes at a stretch. I'm pretty certain I can swim 200-300 m unaided without dying or hanging on to a wall. In short, my stamina has improved and the muscles I would use to jog/run are more developed. The strain on the knee has reduced (though I forget to use muscles rather than joints sometimes).

The 'remember' part of this post, is to remind myself of what it's like to be overweight. In the past few years, I would start working out, lose a little weight, then stop and start gaining weight again. In these years, I usually bought clothes because I 'had' to. I was running out of clothes, they were old/torn/faded something and I would push myself to go buy something. I remember the depression each time I had to buy a size larger. Larger in undergarments, larger in clothes. The inability to buy western formals because I was size 2XL in most Indian brands and they didn't even carry that size! It was only size 14 UK I would tell myself, and try shopping at Marks and Spencers instead. Then I went up to a size 16 in M&S. They carry sizes 16, 18, 20 etc., but I couldn't face it. I couldn't find any clothes that I liked, that fitted me and looked nice! The size 16 upwards all started looking like sacks. I know that there will be times that I cannot keep this up, that I have to ease up on the food or exercise, but I'm writing all this, to remember it. So when I do take a break, I'm motivated to resume.

The reason that this is motivation, is that even at 75 kilos, I was not obese. I didn't have any health risks, though I was probably at a higher risk of diabetes, high blood pressure etc. in my 40s. But right now, the only health effect was PCOS, and given certain other issues, PCOS was not necessarily a problem. So I can see myself gaining weight again without thinking too much of it, from a medical 'health' point of view. From an emotional health point of view though, it's a huge difference. Which is what my motivation is all about.

Right now, I like looking in the mirror, and like the fact that my body listens to me, mainly because I'm listening to it :) And I enjoy listening to my body! There were times before when I would try to diet, and I'd fail because I was starving myself. So I'd feel hungry or not be able to function, or something. These past 2 months, I started with a meal replacement shake, but eat as many vegetables (raw or cooked) as I feel like, and in whatever quantity I feel like. So I'm able to avoid rice, wheat, potatoes etc., and still not starve myself. I also eat all the meat I want - which turns out to be not that much. Where I need to watch myself is snacking at home. We don't have many healthy snack options at home so I'd eat biscuits or something else. I'm now trying to keep walnuts and almonds at home, so I can eat those while preparing something better.

Today specifically, I feel very happy. I know I still have some way to go, but it's only been 2 months and I've made progress to a point where I'm happy. And I specifically want to remind myself that I'm doing this for me. In a few more months, when I'm even fitter, I don't want to suddenly buy fitting or revealing clothes by the truckload. I won't change the way I dress to work. I may have more sexy clothes to wear out, but professionally I'll look the same. I'll know, though, how hot I am :)