Surprising Yourself

I visited a friend in early May. I've known her for 16 years and through that time she has always been thinner than me. When I met her, I was not fat, but nor was she. Then she and I both gained some weight and so we maintained the size differential. I met her last in January, same story.

This time though, I had to borrow her clothes, and they actually fit (for the most part). This was shocking in itself, as she's a few inches shorter than me, but more importantly, has always been smaller than me! Anyway, we got past this shock and I hope I've inspired her to get some exercise. She's vegetarian, so lives quite a good life otherwise, just the lack of exercise.

I went on vacation and came back, and am now finding equilibrium again. I wanted to blog today because it's already been a good day (it's now 9:08 a.m.). I'm almost at goal weight, so the weight loss motivation for exercise may be fading. Last week, I exercised on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. Bunked 2 days. This week, bunked Sunday and Monday, so had to go today. I was quite enthusiastic, having decided that I was going to jog 3 rounds around my building, so paced myself well through the first 2 rounds.

On the third round, I knew I had to stride for a bit, and my semi-competitive streak came out around this girl who has recently started walking. I wanted to overtake her at some point and it was an uphill stretch, so I had to stride, but I went at it faster and longer than I would have if she wasn't in the picture. I had to remind myself to breathe and the cool down took aaages, but it was fun! I got ahead of the girl I wanted to and stayed ahead of her till my final cooldown walk, I felt the muscles of my ass move, it was quite awesome.

I cannot explain it. They had their own reserves of energy and movement, I could barely control it, unlike the general walk/jog when you can decide how far/fast you go. I'm interested in doing this again. I know that my knees will ache a bit today, so expect that I will only do 20 odd minutes of walk and maybe 1.5 to 2 rounds of jogging tomorrow, which would still be better than nothing :)

Food is chugging along, I'm cooking more, more confident, less judged. Happy with my own cooking and getting enough done in 1 hour so I don't feel stressed. I also have sufficient healthy snacks so I don't get too hungry while cooking.

I'm at 63-64 and have decided that I want to be in the 62-64 range consistently. The range is because when I go out (socially - not just with husband) I'm forced to eat/drink like normal (some alcohol and simple carbs) so there's immediate effect on weight. If I allow myself, I'll be in the 64-66 range, which is not acceptable. 62-64 is what I want, and by Dec 2011, I'll ensure that I'm there.

In other observations, I'm slowly realising that I am thinner, I can feel differences in my body and I'm enjoying the muscle tone in my legs. I still have a paunch, so now the question is whether I want to work on toning or not. I probably do, but not in a gym.

Not Keeping At It!

Today is Wednesday, and the most exercise I've got this week is about 20 minutes of walk/jogging that I did on Sunday. I'm not sure why I've not done any exercise, except that I've not 'felt' like. But even at my most dedicated, I never actually 'felt' like it every single day. I'm going today, but expect that my enthusiasm will be higher than my stamina.

I'm also still at 63, despite the lack of exercise, so I may need to find some fresh motivation. Or find another type of exercise, or just go back to walking, so that I don't get horribly tired every day (part of the reason I didn't go in the mornings).

Will keep posting on this, I do not want to backslide!

Keeping At It

I'm now hovering at about 63 kilos and so, am almost at my goal. When I started, I wanted to get to 65 kgs (as I was 75) but figure that 65 is still slightly higher than ideal for my height, so I revised this about 2 months ago, to 62-63. When I was a teenager (fully grown in height) I believed 60 kgs was ideal, I'm clear now that aiming for 60 may be too much, so something additional is ok. Will still be in the 'healthy weight' zone. I'd like to get down to 62 by the end of June, but instead of focussing on weight, I'm focussing on food and exercise.

I've become more relaxed about eating, while trying hard to keep the focus on exercise. The relaxation is in eating more carbs and the occasional unhealthy snack, and now that the monsoons are beginning, I'm concerned about the willingness/ability to exercise. I'm trying to move the exercise to the mornings, so I get it done early and have the rest of the day to do other stuff (like work/cook).

I went to Pune some time ago and got out every morning, and got in 30 minutes of good exercise on 2 days. I discovered while there, that I can now extend the length of my stride for short periods, as my butt muscles are now developed to some extent. This morning, I tested this theory. I jogged about 15 minutes, in which I had to go uphill twice, and found that I didn't need to slow down for the uphills, just use the butt muscles. As a result, the muscles are slightly sore, but the effect was good. Will see how it feels tomorrow :)

With the monsoons beginning, it may soon be too cold to swim, but it's great walk/jog weather! Now to ensure that my wake/sleep cycles align enough to get out and at it, early enough to make it to office.

Almost There!

It's just over a month since I last wrote. This month has been challenging in that my weight stayed at 65-66 for weeks! I did travel a lot in April, so wasn't as regular with exercise as I should have been and was eating more and drinking more alcohol. Still, I wasn't too upset as it didn't cross 66.

Then, in early May (6th) I had to go away on work for a week. Similar issues with exercise, but I managed about 3 days in the week. I also did yoga for 15-20 minutes on 2 days. Came back to 65.

Today, I'm at 64. This is itself a major achievement. Since January 20th 2011, I've lost 11 kgs. I, who was convinced that I was too lazy to stick to an exercise schedule, and too much of a foodie to stop eating food, have successfully lost weight and inches.

Today, I'm wearing trousers, that 4 months ago wouldn't button up. Today, they are loose. I'm wearing a shirt that gaped between buttons, today it fits fine.

Also, I'd like to say that exercise has become a part of my 'normal' life, but I'm afraid I'll jinx it :) What I know though, is that with a few basic things at home (oats, fresh veggies), I'll generally eat better. I also am trying to move to morning exercise, so I'm not having to schedule my evenings around it. Let's see how that goes.

Today is even more special because I got up and went for a walk/jog. I wasn't dying to, but I did. I did as much as I thought appropriate, I'm still alive, and I'm 64kgs!

Photo time?

I wasn't very comfortable being photographed at my wedding (3.5 years ago) because I was fatter than I wanted to be. When I saw the pictures, I realised that I was even fatter than I thought I was. Since then, I've appeared in photographs, but pretty unwillingly. Last December was another such period in my life. I had a reunion to attend and I was fatter than I thought I was. This showed up very clearly in the photographs from the event and was part of my motivation for losing weight as well.

20th April 2011 will be 3 months since I started down this path and today I'm wearing clothes that are a smaller size than I've worn in the past few years. I'm also wearing 3 layers, and still don't look like the clothes are painted on. In short, the weight loss is obvious and apparently healthy as I'm able to lead an otherwise full life. Now, I want to be photographed, preferably wearing the clothes I was last photographed in, so I can see the difference for myself :)

I met a couple of friends last weekend. Friends who've seen me in January and December and apart from the weight loss, they noticed that my skin is glowing. I've always had a fairly good complexion, but for the past few weeks, I've noticed myself that it seems clearer and more elastic. In short, the body can really tell when the living is healthy. And given that I have the time and the means, why not indulge the body for a few years (as it has indulged me thus far).

Specific Updates

For one, I went shopping last weekend, and as I expected, I now fit into clothes that are size L, which is excellent! The weighing scale seems like it'll agree to 67 kgs this week, and though I'm travelling for the next 2 weekends, I've a feeling that I'll be able to keep it at 67. While this is still 7 kgs higher than my proper 'normal' weight, I'm no longer overweight, and most importantly - since January 20th 2011, I've lost 8 kgs!

The other specific updates are that I can now jog about 25 minutes. The pace isn't great, I expect it takes me 10 minutes per kilometer, and I can occasionally walk faster, but I'm certainly burning more calories and the muscles are getting a good work out! I'm also swimming 16 laps of the complex pool, which should be about 20 meters, so about 300m. Up from 12-14 laps 2 weeks ago. In mid-April, I may up this to 18 laps.

I'm swimming about twice a week, which is not amazing, but is good enough for me to notice a change in muscle tone of arms and shoulders. I'm certainly on my way to fitness!

April is a crazy month, I'm travelling 3 out of 5 weekends and all for fun. The main 'trauma travels' are the weekend of 2nd (2nd to 4th) as I'll be staying with relatives who do not understand fitness and portion control, so will probably insist that I eat more, and that I don't exercise at all, but let's see. I hope to walk at least one 1 of those days, and to eat as sensibly as I can.

The next weekend I'm with friends, who understand both. Though I'm going for a wedding, I'm sure I can find ways of walking/jogging for some time (8th to 10th). The third trip is to Singapore, staying with another friend who understands both and I should be able to swim on one or two, if not all 3 days (22nd to 24th).

I'll confess, I never thought this would happen to me, but my thinking about food has changed. I still love the same tastes/flavours but the amount I want to eat them has been affected by the exercise. I occasionally want to eat potato chips but I eat less than I would earlier, because I know that I'll have to exercise more, etc. Similarly with rice/wheat. It's an interesting shift, let's see how it works.

Two Months Update

We're just past 2 months and on a weight situation, I'm at 68 kgs. I have also lost some inches, though I'm not sure how much and from where. I do feel better and am continuing with about 6 days of exercise a week.

I'm actually posting now, because it's been 2 or 3 weeks since I've had a meal replacement shake, which has led to some confusion around dinner. I figured I should post a revised food path on here, to remind myself to eat enough, and eat well. Primarily because over the past week, I've made some bad choices every day. The main reason for the bad choices is because I didn't have healthy snacks at home, and we had unhealthy snacks :)

The new rules:

1. Breakfast - within 30-45 minutes of waking up. Preferably something like oats, if not 2 slices of bread with some veggies, or fruit, and milk.

2. Mid-morning snack/Lunch - sandwich/salad/cooked meal with simple carbs if required.

3. Mid-afternoon snack - sandwich/fruit smoothie. Fruit bowls may not be a great idea because of high sugar fruits.

4. Dinner - ideally only veggies, if it must involve a simple carb, it should be chappatis, brown rice or some such 'healthy' carb.

General Snacks - raisins, fruit, walnuts, almonds, carrots, fruit yoghurt. Buy each week!

The exercise part is still going well. The times I don't feel like exercising are when I'm hungry or tired, so a small snack before the exercise usually works well. I find that with the walk/jog, I have an inertia issue. If I jog and stop, I rarely feel like starting again. So I'm going to try jogging for extended periods of time (like 15-20 minutes) instead of breaking up the jog with walking. This week (on Monday 21st) I jogged for 2 five minute intervals in 30 minutes of walking and must confess that I couldn't start the 3rd interval. On the flip side, I had no knee pain at all after!

A general update would be? That it's going well with some slips here and there. I'm waiting for a while before I try on clothes, but I'm sure that it's going to be a fun experience soon! Maybe on or around 20th April :)

Remember!

I sent a mail to myself at www.futureme.org, to remember some things about weight. I'm also putting some of it up here and on my other blog, so I'll have access to these reminders when I need them.

I've been eating healthier and exercising for nearly 8 weeks now. Exercise is some form of activity for at least 20 minutes a day, averaging about 30 minutes. I started with walking and then upped to walking/jogging. I alternated this with squash and have now (for about 2 weeks) added swimming since it's getting warm enough to swim. All if this has been possible due to the new home.

This morning, I got up and got dressed in a kurta that I've not worn in a while. I can see changes in the way I now look from the way I looked in it when I bought it, and all through the times I wore it. I know now that I'll have much more fun shopping as I'll get clothes in my size. I still have some way to go with the weight loss, but I'm now 69 kilos, and I've not been under 70 for aages!

In addition, I can now jog on the treadmill for 13-15 minutes at a stretch. I'm pretty certain I can swim 200-300 m unaided without dying or hanging on to a wall. In short, my stamina has improved and the muscles I would use to jog/run are more developed. The strain on the knee has reduced (though I forget to use muscles rather than joints sometimes).

The 'remember' part of this post, is to remind myself of what it's like to be overweight. In the past few years, I would start working out, lose a little weight, then stop and start gaining weight again. In these years, I usually bought clothes because I 'had' to. I was running out of clothes, they were old/torn/faded something and I would push myself to go buy something. I remember the depression each time I had to buy a size larger. Larger in undergarments, larger in clothes. The inability to buy western formals because I was size 2XL in most Indian brands and they didn't even carry that size! It was only size 14 UK I would tell myself, and try shopping at Marks and Spencers instead. Then I went up to a size 16 in M&S. They carry sizes 16, 18, 20 etc., but I couldn't face it. I couldn't find any clothes that I liked, that fitted me and looked nice! The size 16 upwards all started looking like sacks. I know that there will be times that I cannot keep this up, that I have to ease up on the food or exercise, but I'm writing all this, to remember it. So when I do take a break, I'm motivated to resume.

The reason that this is motivation, is that even at 75 kilos, I was not obese. I didn't have any health risks, though I was probably at a higher risk of diabetes, high blood pressure etc. in my 40s. But right now, the only health effect was PCOS, and given certain other issues, PCOS was not necessarily a problem. So I can see myself gaining weight again without thinking too much of it, from a medical 'health' point of view. From an emotional health point of view though, it's a huge difference. Which is what my motivation is all about.

Right now, I like looking in the mirror, and like the fact that my body listens to me, mainly because I'm listening to it :) And I enjoy listening to my body! There were times before when I would try to diet, and I'd fail because I was starving myself. So I'd feel hungry or not be able to function, or something. These past 2 months, I started with a meal replacement shake, but eat as many vegetables (raw or cooked) as I feel like, and in whatever quantity I feel like. So I'm able to avoid rice, wheat, potatoes etc., and still not starve myself. I also eat all the meat I want - which turns out to be not that much. Where I need to watch myself is snacking at home. We don't have many healthy snack options at home so I'd eat biscuits or something else. I'm now trying to keep walnuts and almonds at home, so I can eat those while preparing something better.

Today specifically, I feel very happy. I know I still have some way to go, but it's only been 2 months and I've made progress to a point where I'm happy. And I specifically want to remind myself that I'm doing this for me. In a few more months, when I'm even fitter, I don't want to suddenly buy fitting or revealing clothes by the truckload. I won't change the way I dress to work. I may have more sexy clothes to wear out, but professionally I'll look the same. I'll know, though, how hot I am :)

Progress

I've now been exercising for 5 weeks, and watching my food for the same duration. I found that though there have been changes, I've not recorded them much. Interesting. I think it's because I see the results first hand, so am inspired. I decided to write anyway, because I know that something will cause a break, and I want to remind myself of what this has been like.

5 weeks later, my cardio vascular fitness is pretty good. I would now be willing to do a trek and even sign up for a 5k, knowing that I could jog/walk it in about 1 hr. Not ideal, but much better than last year, when I wouldn't even have considered it.

I'm also now hovering around 70 kgs. Somewhere between 70 and 71. But I've not been near 74 for 3 weeks and I'm hoping that in 2 weeks, I'll be below 70 consistently. This would be tremendous for me, not having been below 70 kgs in what may be 10 years.

Also, a couple of days ago (Monday it was) I was not very enthusiastic about exercise. I got back from a weekend away, didn't do much work, was tired and sleepy, but went out for the walk/jog at 8:30 p.m. and did about 20-25 minutes. I naturally felt better after it, and slept well. Every so often I feel like I don't want to exercise, but then I remind myself that it's just 20 minutes, and there are usually very few other people out. So it's a great walk/jog with just myself and some music, and it's all good.

The thing that I'm slowly growing proud of is my body's willingness to adapt and stretch. The Couch25k ramps up at some point. Week 2 has 90 second jog intervals. Week 3 pushes this to 3 minute jog intervals. Week 4 has 2 5 minute jog intervals. Week 5 has 8 minute intervals (2) leading up to a 20 minute jog, etc. Each jump up has me scared. I'm never sure my body can do it. I mean, 90 seconds you could push yourself for, but 3 minutes? Then 5 minutes? So I did a test run yesterday (in the gym). I needed to do my 20 minutes of exercise so I figured I'd do 1 set of 3 min jog, 90 sec walk, 5 min jog etc. I could see the pace and I was jogging at 6.3 kmph, fairly slow, but just enough. The 3 minutes was fine, I recovered in the 90 seconds, then I started the 5 minutes and just thought about something else - like the song that was playing, and I got through it! I even recovered in about 2 minutes, enough to jog another 90 seconds.

Basically, the Couch25K is a brilliant program and really works! Now I just have to find something to fill the in-between days, and maybe to look at some strength training. I was thinking that in March (next week) I'd start riding on weekends. And maybe start swimming in April. Basically, add activities that I enjoy. I love riding, but you need to have some prevailing fitness level or it can be pretty punishing, and no fun.

On the body front, I've certainly lost flab, from my legs and hips, from my chest (some) and a little bit from my stomach. My stomach makes me still a size 14, but this is still better than where I was 5 weeks ago, so I'm not complaining at all!

On the food front, I'm not sold on the meal replacement for 2 meals anymore, as I find I'm proficient enough to prepare and cook a vegetable dish in about 30 minutes. So far I'm mostly sticking with the meal replacement in the morning, as when I come in to work, I don't have time to prepare breakfast and milk, toast and fruit, don't last for more than an hour. I'm eating salad whenever possible for lunch, so that the 4 p.m. can be a sandwich without much guilt. In short, I'm trying to restrain myself to between 2 and 4 slices of bread a day, and as much fresh vegetable as I can find. Fortunately I like quite a few vegetables, so this is not hard.

I'm a little concerned that I'll stop and not be able to restart, but keep reminding myself that it's only 20 minutes a day. In some ways it's sad that I don't have this level of confidence in myself, to know that I won't quit, but given my history of not quite finishing stuff, I understand it. I'm cautiously optimistic :)

Paean to My Legs

It won't be particularly musical and may not rhyme, or even be in verse... but I wanted to document some things I've learnt about my body in the past 3 weeks.

I've been quite good about getting at least 20 minutes of exercise a day for 19 of the last 20 days. This included a couple of days when I was ill with a cold, so am pretty pleased with myself. I've also been eating carefully:

7:00 a.m. (or within 1 hr of waking up) - Meal Replacement Shake;
11:30 a.m. (or within 4 hrs of MRS) - Meal, typically consisting of 3 rotis, veggies, curd and maybe pickle; or a sandwich (2 slices of brown bread, veggies, egg, cheese);
4:00 p.m. (or within another 4 hours) - Another small meal with carbs, sometimes sandwich, sometimes chaat (usually bhel to avoid the worst of the fried things);
8:00 p.m. (or within another 4 hours) - Meal Replacement Shake.

I notice that now my hunger has reduced and I eat smaller portions. Noticed this on weekends, when the primary social activity is eating. I've allowed myself to eat in restaurants, but just to eat sensibly - picking more veggies than fried stuff or carbs, and avoiding desert or eating just a spoon or two. Typically, if I eat a huge lunch (and its always lunch), I eat it at about 2:00 p.m., and I skip the 4 p.m. meal, going straight to the evening meal replacement.

I'm trying to maintain a balance between healthy eating and abstinence. So I allow myself a few cheats. Like a biscuit when I'm absolutely craving it, or a little bit of cola, just smaller amounts than I would earlier have eaten/drunk. I know myself well enough to know that if I abstain, I will crack at some point. The last time I tried concentrated diet/exercise, I was going to a gym with a nutritionist who asked me to maintain a food diary and weighed me every day. I got upset when I followed it strictly and didn't lose weight, even when I was not eating stuff that I liked at all! The cruelty of it all got to me.

Anyway, I started on my current path on 20th January 2011 and since then (75 kgs) I've followed the food routine I've mentioned, and at least 20 minutes of exercise. I started the Couch25k (http://www.c25k.com/c25k_metric.html) towards the end of January and have completed Week 1. On the alternate days of the Couch25k, I'm trying to play squash or basketball or generally walk/jog but I'm going to concentrate on squash and hopefully basketball. Squash may be easier as I can play it alone and there are others who play and are nice about it.

The specific reason I'm posting, is that I want to talk about my legs. When I was a teenager (or young at any rate) I recognized that I had good legs. Long and strong. I didn't do much to make them that way, or anything to keep them that way, but there they were. Actually, in retrospect, I probably did a fair bit. When I was about 13, I started playing hockey, I was never on the school team, but I used to run around the ground as warm up, run up and down for training etc. I wasn't very good, but I was ok. Then when I was about 17, I did karate for a year, which involved a good amount of exercise in terms of kicking and stretching.

Anyway, so I had good legs. I went to college, didn't do much, didn't play sports actively and my legs kind of sustained themselves. I finished college and all activity came to an end, and I started gaining weight. I gain first on my waist/stomach, then hips, then torso (chest, not breasts - think love handles) and then legs. When I gain weight on my legs, my knees start to get strained and I start getting nervous.

Every year, for the past 3-4 years, I've reached a point where my knees start to pain when I climb stairs and I get nervous. I start walking and things improve... so I do that for a bit then stop, starting the whole cycle off again. This year, it's a 9 week commitment at least, hopefully a lifestyle change when it comes to exercise.

So, when my knees started paining this year, I got scared and decided to start walking. As we now live in an apartment complex which has 'amenities', it's considerably easier to walk, than it was in my old home, where I would have had to walk on the street. I started walking on the jogging track, walked in one direction for a few days then changed direction and after just about 5 days of walking, I felt like jogging so I did a bit. Then I started actively with the Couch25k.

It's now been 19 days of mostly walking/jogging, with interim squash, one day of basketball and I note that my legs have changed. They're firmer and have the elasticity of muscle, more than the blobbiness of fat. So basically, in 3 weeks of moderate exercise, my legs have pulled out all the stops in redeeming their muscle tone. They're not fat-less, that would be going too far, but they're certainly more muscular. Going up all the way to my butt!

I guess I just wanted to document that of all my major muscle groups, I'm currently most thankful for the ones in my legs, the ones that are eager to get on with it, and very quick to realise the benefits of exercise.

Its motivational in itself to have parts of my body respond so quickly, as I really didn't think I was built for any 'sport', and it turns out that I'm probably built to be a runner.

The New Motivation

From August last year, things went downhill a fair bit. We moved houses and I had to adjust to a new schedule of sorts. Then came winter and no thoughts of exercise at all. Once again, I find myself at the fattest I've ever been. Not that I want to be here, but I've led myself here and need to fix this.

The reason I need to fix it is that my periods are affected again. For one who's approaching 34 very rapidly and wanting to get pregnant, this is very bad news and must be resolved immediately.

I also recognize that just this proves insufficient motivation when the periods are back and I'm ovulating again, so I'm also setting up some regular motivation - to keep me going for at least 1 year.

Step 1 - not measure things till I've exercised for 1 month at least 4 days a week. Exercise consisting of walking at least 30 minutes.

Step 2 - swap some meals for meal-replacement foods. I'm trying to replace 2 meals a day, we'll see how this works for 3 weeks. So far it's been 3 days of replacing 1 meal... not sure i'll manage to replace 2 meals, but will try. Cutting out white carbs as much as possible, eating more veggies/fruits. no sugar in coffee/tea and drinking more water.

Step 3 - add 30 minutes of yoga in the morning. Even if it's just breathing, it should improve lots of stuff in my life - also enable me to buy a yoga mat.

I was chatting with a frolleague yesterday who works out a lot. He said the ultimate motivation is sex. The more you exercise, the better sex is. I'll admit, it's more fun when you can last longer and are not uncomfortable with how fat you look doing certain things, but when you're in a committed relationship, the nature and quantity of sex depends as much on the other person as on your smoking hotness. Still, if you're smoking hot, the other person has less to complain about what?